Besties Before Testes

My Best Friend Chose Her Boyfriend Over Me

Once upon a time I was a social butterfly. I would always make conversation and gain new friends everywhere I landed. Well, as I matured my social desires faded. Mostly due to me realizing how important a true friend is. As I became more experienced with people, the word friend became more exclusive. I had a particular friend for over 10 years and she was easily my best friend of them all. I loved being around her. Unfortunately, she didn’t love being around herself. Along with having girl- friends a boyfriend was also necessary at all times for her to survive. This urgency to have a boyfriend caused her choice in them to suck. Which ultimately ruined our 10-year friendship.

I would first like to state that it’s not easy having a best friend with terrible choice in men. Ladies, I know we have all regretted interest in specific men before. So, I will never judge a female blinded by lust and penis – unless she never learns from it. As a best friend I stood by my friend’s side with every single one of her loser boyfriends. I was there to comfort her during every inevitable breakup. And, I refused to be anything but honest with her about her poor choices. She never listened though. These conversations happened at least once a month. A few weeks later she’d be back in the same position with another loser. My best friend took my advice for granted when it came to her relationships; I finally just stopped sharing my opinion.  

A few summers back, a new boyfriend was on the horizon for my best friend. We were in our mid 20’s at the time. Therefore, because he had a full-time job with benefits, my best friend boasted him as mature. She completely snubbed his irresponsible past, two baby mothers, and current group of female “friends” that had his attention more than her. He was manipulative also. He could make her believe the sky was green if he really wanted to. She deserved better and every time I told her that- it was like talking to the wall. 

On one late evening during this time, I received a knock on my door. To my surprise it was her boyfriend. I answered the door confused AF. “Do you want to smoke?” He asked. Hell yeah, good marijuana was hard to come by in Ohio at this time. But, never, would I ever want to smoke with him randomly and unannounced like this. I declined and made him aware that stopping by my house like this was unacceptable. At that time his visit didn’t seem anything but weird to me, therefore I didn’t mention it to my best friend. I knew she wouldn’t agree with me anyways, she’d only make an excuse for him. 

Two days later despite my previous warning, he stopped by unannounced a second time. This time I didn’t even open the door, I just yelled “What in the hell do you want now?” through the door. He said he had a bad injury from playing basketball down the street and needed ice to finish driving home. Beyond annoyed at this point, I still decided to show some decency. I allowed him to come in and have a seat while I grabbed him ice. His demeanor was different; like, provocative for contact. He then started to make himself at home and removed his shoes. I even caught myself avoiding eye contact, because he was staring too hard for comfort.

When I returned to the living room with the ice, he started staring again, and demanding my eye contact in return. My honesty kicked in, “Are you trying to eye fuck me? What’s going on?” I said.

“Would you like it if I did?” He replied

“No, I would like for you to put your shoes back on, take the ice and leave.”

“You can stop the act,” he replied. “You want me, and I want you”

I couldn’t control my sudden burst of laughter. I didn’t respond, I just laughed as I grabbed his shoes and placed them on the outside of my front door. Then I stood there with the door open. He finally left with a disgusting smirk on his face.  

I should’ve called my best friend right then and there. But, I called another friend to vent. She knew my best friend and her boy issues very well. She confirmed that he was definitely flirting and advised I kept it to myself and distanced myself from them both. Again, my best friend was not receptive to issues about her boyfriend. She wanted a man badly, and I knew she wouldn’t look at this situation with a clear head. So, I agreed and decided not to mention it. I avoided spending any time around her and him for a month. 

But, I ran out of excuses and couldn’t stay away from my best friend too long. One Saturday night she called and stated she was alone and stressed about work. She persistently begged me to come over for wine and romcom movies. I joined her and found out that she wasn’t really stressed about work, she was stressed about the loser boyfriend and suspected he was cheating- again. In my eyes her suspicions were valid, he was definitely cheating. I expressed this to her and she quickly started with the excuses for his actions. I finally told her about his unannounced and inappropriate visits to my house (hoping this would put the nail in the coffin.) I apologized for not telling her sooner as well. I shared my reasoning, being she has insecure behavior surrounding men and has made me feel like my opinions are pointless. To my surprise, she agreed about her faults when it came to her boyfriend. She cried, we cried together, and she promised to leave him alone that night. 

Too bad that decision lasted for less than 24 hours. The next afternoon I first saw subtweets in my Twitter feed about fake best friends that keep secrets. Shortly after I received text messages stating I’m a shady and jealous friend. They continued with: I didn’t tell her about him stopping by because I invited him, and she noticed that I’m always flirting with him. She was still going to be with him and didn’t want me in her life anymore… etc, etc. Normally, these kinds of accusations would upset me, but I was so drained from her and this boyfriend drama, a part of me was actually glad she decided to exit this friendship. I realized that I was steadily preaching how she deserved better, but what about me? I deserved a better friend. I simply responded to her text messages “okay.” Oh, and of course I sub tweeted back to her and the loser boyfriend: “kiss my ass!”  

Fast forward to about five months later. I saw on social media that the loser boyfriend had a fiancé and it wasn’t my ex-best friend (surprised!?) I had muted her phone number and email address months ago. But after finding this information, I decided to take a gander at my muted list. I found several emails from her with apologies and requests for dinner to make-up. I never replied. She completely broke the girl code. I only want real friends that understand it is always “besties before testes,” period!