A Fool on Valentine’s Day

Valentine's Day is approaching and every year I’m reminded of a terrible Valentine’s Day experience I had while in undergrad. I was a sophomore in college and foolish because I put my trust in a guy for a first date on Valentine’s Day. I also made a foolish mistake that could’ve put me behind bars. 

It was the night before Valentine’s Day and once I finished all of my exams for that week I realized I had yet to make any plans for the big day of love. The last thing I wanted was to be the only one of my friends without dinner and affection on Valentine’s Day. Well, I had absolutely no Valentine applicants. Therefore, I decided to grab some drinks and think about how I would snag a date in less than 24 hours. The bar was actually a great thinking hub for me. It’s noisy and drowns out all of my emotions.  The alcohol consumption and people-watching I partake in there help me visualize my life problems from a different perspective too. And that always results into great ideas. 

Although I was at a certified broke status, I decided to still spend my remaining cash on pizza and tequila. Just as I expected on my third shot of tequila I came up with an idea to get a date. I decided to get on social media and stalk my peers to see if there was another lost soul like me looking for love on Valentine’s Day. Bingo! I had found one. He was the perfect candidate too. He was a football player, an engineering major with a keen taste in clothes and a southern boy smile. I had started crushing on him the first time I saw him hit the football field at a game. I just never had a reason to speak- until now. He made a status that said, “Who needs a Valentine?” And, of course, the comments from other females were already pouring in, but I still decided to go for it. I skipped the comment section and headed right to the messages.  I wrote, “I do if you like lingerie,” … (please don’t forget I was young.) I have no idea why I thought that was the perfect message response. But, it worked! He responded quickly. 

We had made plans to have a first date at a restaurant about 20 minutes from campus and he emphasized for me not to forget to wear the lingerie. 

Here’s a little needed back story: I was still living in a dorm. It’s not easy being sexy in a dorm. Especially in the dorm, I was currently living in. My dorm hall was called Dabney; however, it was nicknamed D-Block because the rooms reminded you of jail cells and we only had community showers and one common area. There was nowhere to be sexy in there and I didn’t own any lingerie. I had also just spent my last on alcohol and no money to buy some. So, I came up with another plan to go to the mall and steal some. At that moment this idea seemed logical. I knew of girls that steal small articles of clothing all the time. If they got away with it, I could too! 

That Valentine’s Day morning I came outside to a snow and ice storm. My car was stuck in a mountain of snow and not moving. I hitched a ride with a friend who was headed to the mall also. I decided to do my lingerie heist inside the busiest store at the mall, Forever 21. In my mind, this was the perfect retail store to steal from. They are always busy and have an infinite amount of inventory. No one would notice little ole me putting lace panties in my purse. Wrong, I felt a hand grab my shoulder the minute I walked out of the store.  

I’ll never forget the next 30 seconds of my life. A tall, slim, black man who had a blonde tapered haircut and maybe three piercings in his nose said, “Aht! please stop ma’am and empty the clothes out of your purse!” I started shaking. I stared at him like a deer in headlights without saying a word. He sighed and then said, “Look just follow me to the back.” In the back, I emptied my purse for him and handed over the stolen lingerie. Since I had stolen such a small monetary amount of merchandise, he didn’t call the police.  He let me go as long as I promised not to enter the store again. I had to take a picture for their thief wall and sign a paper saying I would not return. 

One we returned back to the dorm I ran into my D-Block cell still in disbelief about what had just happened to me. But, I couldn’t sulk in it for too long, it was time to start getting ready for my date. He offered to come to pick me up and stated I had to be outside at a certain time or I’d get left. I loved how militant he was. But, I was slightly confused about the time he wanted to come to get me. He wanted me ready two hours earlier than the reservation. I thought maybe he just wanted to get acquainted before we sat down to eat, so I tried hard to be downstairs on time…. But, I didn’t have lingerie and I took longer than expected searching my dresser for the next best thing; a matching panty and bra set. 

I made it downstairs about 10 minutes off schedule. Not too bad, right? He had called my phone five times in these ten minutes. I finally answered when I was standing at the door and he says, “hurry I’m holding everyone up.” I looked to the left, and I looked to the right and there were no cars or traffic in sight. All I saw was the campus shuttle bus that only freshmen and lonely people rode on. I called back and asked if he was outside the right dorm. Then I saw the shuttle doors open and he poked his head out screaming, “Over here lingerie, hurry!”

My mouth dropped. Did he really think I was taking the campus shuttle to dinner with him on Valentine’s Day? Did he just call me lingerie in front of freshmen?  Did I really risk my freedom today for this loser? It was about 30 degrees outside, but I was piping hot! I could feel the sweat running down my forehead. I turned around and went right back in my dorm young a fool on Valentine’s Day.  

Don't get caught red handed: shop for your Valentine's Day lingerie before the big day.