Finally, A Man Spoke My Love Language. But I Ruined it.

Big shout out to my parents for the superb job they did with raising and teaching me. But, I consider myself to be self-taught regarding many of life’s lessons. For instance, sex. I never received the birds and the bee’s conversation. I had to figure out where babies came from on my own. That discovery carried over to me teaching myself about love. My parents did not involve themselves in my dating life at all. They didn’t ask, and I didn’t tell. So, with a little help from Mariah Carey’s Daydream and Butterfly albums, I schooled myself on that topic. I taught myself how to love a man and how he should love me. I did good (pats self on back) , but still I needed someone to teach me about love languages- before I met the man of my dreams. I ended up getting a lesson from him instead and ruined my happily ever after. 

My dating history is probably no different than yours. Like me, you’ve spent a lifetime sorting through the frogs, cutting and coloring your hair to heal heartbreaks and giving up hope on all men daily. After roughly seven years of singledom, I had encountered so many f*ckboys that I could literally smell them from across the bar. If he smells like Axe cologne, mixed with marijuana and a subtle hint of peppermint - run, he’s a fuck boy. Luckily, I found the man of my dreams. I found the man I couldn’t live without. 

In my mind, I thought that those seven years of being single were preparing me for him. The longer I had to wait the more perfect I would be when Mr. Right arrived (that’s what every single one of my self-help books insinuated.) I was under the impression that f*ckboys were making me a better woman. But, not really.In my situation, the longer it took for me to find my prince charming, the more I was misconstruing what a real relationship and love was about. 

In this long-awaited relationship, I was covered in his love. He made the wait worthwhile. I received everything I wanted from him. And, if he didn’t completely satisfy me with something there was always an effort that I saw from him that made up for it. To show my gratitude I made sure I kept myself looking nice. I also gave him plenty of sex too. Anywhere, anytime, and any place he could have me any way he wanted me. I would please him anywhere just to show him how I much I loved him. Can you believe this wasn’t enough? 

He was working at a marketing company. I’m aware that the marketing field can be very competitive within your team and with outside companies.  My poor boyfriend came home exhausted and drained every day. I received a phone call on one Monday morning from his co-worker. She was informing me that he would be promoted that Friday to a position he had been seeking his entire adult life. She suggested a nice dinner with other co-workers and their significant others at his favorite restaurant. She stated that we could shower him with gifts, good food and a good time. I agreed, he needed a good time, but I knew my man and that’s not what he wanted. He wanted a good time in bed. I politely let her know I had other plans but maybe on a future date we could make that gathering happen.

I immediately made a new hair appointment, booked a room at theNoMad Hotel,Downtown LA and went shopping for some sexy lingerie.  I planned a romantic staycation in this elite hotel for the entire weekend. I planned on rewarding him with the best sex he’s ever had. Friday, I got the call from him about the promotion. He was super excited, and I could even hear a few sniffles from crying. When he came home I already had the bags packed and we were on our way. His phone would not stop ringing; he was congratulated by just about everyone he knew. A few other people wanted to celebrate with him that night, and I heard him cancel because he was spending time with me. We entered the hotel room and I had drinks waiting and his favorite foods ordered to the room. Before eating we decided to make a toast. He wanted to go first, he raised his glass and said, “Are you even proud of me?” I was not expecting that at all. 

 “Of course! Why would you even ask that?”

“Because you’ve never said it, not once,” he said. And, he was absolutely right. 

“I didn’t say it because I was showing it. Look at all I do to keep you happy” I replied

He said I had no idea how to make him happy, and I never took the time to find out. He continued with when he first met me, he fell in love with my curiosity and adventure- now I’m only predictable. He loved my writing. He stated that I write to the world every day, yet he’s my biggest fan and I’ve never taken the time to write him anything. Before becoming a couple, we dated by socializing at bars and hanging out with friends and he couldn’t understand why I turned down that idea for a night of sex. I let him rant for a while. However, he ended with, “I can have sex with any girl I want, and I can get her hair and nails done too.” 

Ouch!That hurt me. I couldn’t do anything but cry, because the truth hurts. I didn’t know who I had become or why I thought I was showing him real love with these fake acrylic nails. After all these years of preparation, I still ruined my shot at love. I realized I was loving him the way all my previous f*ckboys wanted to be loved. He was far from a f*ckboy. He learned my love language; however, I only assumed his. He left me in that room that night and celebrated with his friends.  

Those lonely years did correctly teach me that I didn’t want to go back to those single days so quickly. I fixed my attitude; no way, I was letting him go. He broke up with me. However, I still showed him that I was willing to change my ways and love him better. We then worked together on creating a love language we both understood and started over. 

Even though this teaching of love language was a little late, it’s better late than never. He taught me that real men willing to love you should not be cut short of love in return. Sex will NOT be their only needs. Make sure you listen and adapt to the love language your lover speaks, if you want the relationship to last.