Gettin’ Freaky in the time of Covid: Searching for the White Unicorn

Now that things are starting to re-open and the serious quarantine is over in many places, many of us are wondering what dating and sex is going to look like now.  If we are going to take the suggestions of governments, it may become quite strange.  

In British Columbia, Canada, governments are suggesting that residents should use barriers like glory holes to allow for safe sex without mouth to mouth contact.  For those that don’t know, glory holes are spaces (often small openings) that you can put your genitals into in order to be pleasured.  I’m imaging the new trend in Tinder and Grinder is going to be showing how great your genitals look through a hole. 

NYC Health, on the other hand, asserts that “you are your safest sex partner,” low key suggesting that you should invest in some new sex toys and focus on making yourself have earth shattering orgasms without a partner.  If you have to fuck someone in the flesh, they suggest making moves on your roommate because they are already in your bubble.  It really seems like NYC Health doesn’t care how weird your household dynamics will be post-covid.For many of us, self pleasure, roommate sex and sex through holes just won’t cut it!  For those of us that are open to some form of dating and sex during this time, how do we do it in a way that is as safe as possible? 

Figure out who is worth it

Now isn’t the time to bring Joe Schmo home from the bar.  Every person you sleep with leads to an increased risk of furthering the spread of the COVID-19, so be picky! Ideally, only sleep with someone that you would be interested in being with more than once.  

Whether you are looking for a long-term partner or not, now is a good time to find a fuckbudy to keep you sexually satisfied until the world figures itself out.  As you are auditioning potential pandemic lovers, I suggest meeting in a park and staying six feet apart so you can assess if there is a vibe.

Are they a risky ass muther-fucker?

If it seems like there is a vibe, talk to your potential lover about safety.  Are they one of those douchebags that is against wearing a mask?  Listen to what they say, but also watch their behaviors.  Do they actually wear a mask when walking around in public?  Are they talking about partying with a huge group of people?  This is important to assess before bringing someone new into your circle because once they are in, their actions impact the health of you and everyone who you come into close contact with.  If you are able to keep the desire at bay, I would suggest both getting a COVID-19test before getting down to increase safety.

Ground Rules

While this may feel weird to discuss before you even kiss someone, the importance of establishing ground rules will help to ensure everyone’s safety.  For example, either partner should share if they are engaging in a risky situation.  If one partner chooses to go to an indoor rave with a lot of people, they should either get a test before seeing the other partner or wait fourteen days to see if they develop symptoms.  This unique situation also forces an exclusivity talk earlier in the game then you may be used to. Unless partners are only having sex through glory holes, everyone that they are intimate with increases their chances of getting COVID-19 and passing it on to you.  At this point in the game, I suggest picking one pandemic partner to keep you satisfied until things begin to go back to normal. The smartest thing to do right now is to only agree to sleep with someone that agrees to only sleep with you for now, and you of course are practicing the same rule.  Of course, if things aren’t going well, you can end it and begin looking for someone new, but it is not a good time for multiple concurrent partners. 

Virtual Luvin’

The safest way to connect right now is non-physically.  Now is a great time to become a COVID-19-free promiscuous internet person!  There is no physical risk in talking dirty online or having video sex with multiple people.  If you are naturally promiscuous, now is a great time to build tension with a few people and then chose who you actually want to meet/fuck.  If you are more of a romantic type, now is a great time to go on some virtual dates.  It may feel unnatural at first, but you can get used to it.  Get dressed up, and get ready to meet people and get to know potential new partners.

There are no hard rules here.  Just like with sexual health, everyone has to decide what level of risk they can tolerate and are comfortable taking.  Much of this has to do with your health, the age and health of those you are interacting with and generally how much you care about other people.  Now is a really hard time to be alone and it is alright and normal to look for connections and orgasms.  However, it is important to think about the health and safety of others, and to do so in a way that is as safe as possible.

Check out this blog How I Became a FaceTime Hoe

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