Delicious Dickstractions: The Art of Sexting
Just like your first kiss or your first time bringing someone to meet the parents, a lot of us will remember our first sext. For me, it was in a psychology course and the boy I was into (but also pretending to be happily just friends with) messaged me saying that he was hanging out in bed. He then made a suggestive remark about him showing me his current state. I said sure, but in a panic opened up a new tab and googled, “sexting” and “what to say when someone sends you a dick pic that you like.” Of course, I ended up accidentally opening up his picture on my computer and getting some weird looks from the people in class behind me, but it was certainly a learning experience and a memorable first sexting experience.
What is so great about sexting?
When done at the right time with a consenting person, sexting can be a spicy way to connect with those you are in a relationship with and an interesting way to get to know newer partners. I love sexting because it can be a way for me to express what my desires are in a safer way, with less pressure than during an early hookup. If you sext enough with a newer partner, when it’s time to hook up they already know what you enjoy.
Sexting can also be a fun way to build anticipation so that when you are with someone in the flesh, it is even better. I used to say, I only hook up with people who have masturbated to me at least 12 times. For me, anticipation hugely increases desire.
As well, we all have preferences in terms of what language turns us on vs off. Instead of testing it out in the bedroom you can take note of the types of words that your partner uses when talking about their body and mimic them when getting down in the flesh.
How to begin?
There have been a number of times that I really wanted to find a seamless way to shift a text conversation from plans for the weekend or why cheese is the best form of dairy, to the fact that I’m currently in bed touching myself. You could go from dairy to digestion issues to body issues to body pleasure? Or you can attempt to go from plans for this weekend - to the weekend a month ago where we hooked up - to sharing a dick pic? I’m not going to lie, this is a difficult transition.
From my experience, honesty and consent is the best combo when starting a sexting conversation. For example, instead of saying “HERE IS MY VULVA!” You can say , “I just got home and am lying in bed, what should I do next?” This gives the person you are texting an opening to either take things in a sexy direction or not.
Once you got it going…
If you are speaking to somebody that you have been with before you can explore arousing memories. In this, you can express your favorite moments being with this person. What did they smell like? What did they say? What did they feel like? This is helpful because it shows your partner what turned you on the most in a previous sexual encounter, so they can keep that going next time! Did you love that time they bent you over and fucked you in the kitchen? Did you love that time they ate you out while looking up at you and said they wouldn’t stop until you came? Whatever it is, you can express that you are getting hot thinking about….
Another good type of sexting is expressing what delicious things will you do with your partner when you see them? Or, similarly, what would you would be doing if you were together with your partner right now? In this you can describe how you would want to pleasure them. You can say that you would get on your knees and suck their cock, each time going deeper and deeper until the whole thing is in your mouth. You can say that you would make them watch you touch yourself until you got to the very edge. You can say that you would want them so badly that you would take them in the hall, not even making it to the bed.
There are no wrong descriptions here, but if you are at a loss here is some more specific advice.
Compliments are often arousing. Think about a component of the person’s smell, body, voice or attitude that you find sexy and express it to them, chances are it will turn them on.
Instead of trying to follow a porn script, genuinely think about and express what turns you on. Otherwise, when you are with the person they may think you have different preferences. During a sext is a great time to say that you love half an hour of clitoral stimulation pre intercourse so that you are soaking and ready! It can also be a great time to express that you love using toys during sex or that you are a squirter. Anything that is true to you, but also may be helpful for a partner to know about you.
Comment on the effect they are having (or had) on you. Does your desire for them make you tremble, make you get wet or make you forget how to talk? Expressing any of this can be sexy!
