Is It OK to Date My Friend’s Ex-Boyfriend?
When dating, finding a common interest with your date is a rule of thumb. Your preference in music, hobbies, food, etc.. are all things that you may have in common. But, what if another thing you two have in common is a friend that he previously dated. Is that something you discuss on a date? What makes it okay to be dating someone that has already dated your friend? Sorry for the interrogation I’m just still trying to figure out how my ex-friend felt when she fell in love with my ex and had the audacity to bring him to my birthday party.
I’m sure there are many reasonings why or why not dating someone your friend has already dated is okay. However, I steer far away from anyone my friends have dated. Being an ex-boyfriend of a friend of mine is an instant turn-off for me. I would never be able to look past it. But, my friend Sarina has opposing sentiments. She dated my ex Brian. And, while I could honestly care less about Brian and the year that we shared together (been there, done that Sarina.) I do care about the unnecessary drama that this illegitimate relationship brought into my life.
Seven years ago, I was twenty-four years old. That year was very memorable because I had reached a pivotal time in my life. I had just lost interest in going to the club every night. Yup, I finally realized occasional Friday and Saturday nights in a nightclub were enough for me. I was ready to find a boyfriend and make grandma proud. My grandma called me every Sunday questioning my values in life. She also questioned my sexuality, because I had yet to bring a boyfriend home for Thanksgiving. Grandma was in luck because I was finally ready to take men seriously. I wanted to get dressed up, go on expensive dates and not pay.
I met Brian on a Target run. We both were looking for wine and snacks to pacify us as we stayed in on a Saturday night. Looking back, I can say that besides my high school sweetheart, Brian was my first official relationship. We both had our own apartments, good jobs, and the same intentions with each other. This relationship was invigorating, but, like almost anything in your early twenties, this relationship became boring. We mutually agreed to end it. Although it didn’t work out I appreciated my relationship with Brian. It was enough to let me know I wasn’t ready for one (shrugs.) I went back to my single ways and last I heard Brian moved away to Hawaii for a job opportunity.
Still, to this day I have no idea where Sarina dug Brian up and had the time to fall in love with him. I talked to Sarina at least once a week. Sarina and I had been friends for over seven years (she was my friend while I dated Brian) and I thought of her as close friend. I even called in for a favor and helped Sarina land her first “real” job out of college. That is only something I would do for a close friend. Apparently, Sarina did not think that highly of me.
Let’s fast forwards to the drama …
While at my 30th birthday party I’m dancing drinking and having a good time. Sarina decides to attend the party and bring Brian. Up until the moment, Sarina stepped foot in my party with Brian no one knew about this relationship. Each and every one of our other friends had a blank stare as Sarina and Brian walked up to me hand in hand. They approached me on the dance floor. Somehow, I didn’t see their hands intertwined. That was probably due to the many birthday drinks I had, and the voluminous false eyelashes my sister made me wear. So, I saw Brian and immediately hugged him, asked him how he’s been and how in the hell did he know about my party?! He said he was invited by Sarina. That was odd to me, but I didn’t have an issue with it because Brian was cool. I figured I’d get the whole story from Sarina later. I said “Okay,” and ordered both Sarina and Brian a drink.
But, allegedly while ordering the drinks I gave Sarina a dirty look. I doubt I did this, but then again, I’m not certain; my face usually doesn’t hide my feelings. I guess this “look” made Sarina feel threatened, and about two hours later she asked to speak to me in private. She pulled me into a corner to tell me that she didn’t appreciate the way I reacted to seeing her with Brian. She said she was in love with him and I would just have to get used to it. She also told me since I was now thirty years old it was time to start acting mature and letting go of my past. This was my first time hearing about Sarina dating Brian and I had no idea what she was talking about. I’m sure you all won’t be surprised about what happened next…
The term friend went out of the window and it was a full force girl fight. It wasn’t physical at first, though. Only after she called me bitch for the third time in a row did I begin to pour my drink on her.
Brian came running over to stop our fight and the rest of the party followed. Sarina was carried out by security and I haven’t heard from her since. I did run into Brian a couple of months later and he let me know that the relationship didn’t work out with Sarina. I was glad to see Brian and have the chance to set the record straight about that situation; which is:
I do not respect Sarina’s decision to date Brian- she broke the girl code. However, seeing Sarina and Brian together did not upset me. What upset me was Sarina not having a conversation with me about her dating Brian before attending my birthday party.
I was hurt that my friend showcased this betrayal at one of the most precious moments of my life. That is why I poured my drink on her.
I don’t regret a thing. I ever see her again she better hope that there’s not another drink in my hand.
