HOW TO Talk About Sex
Raise your hand if you opened up a package in front of your brother not knowing that it was your big pink thrusting vibrator inside? *raises hand*
OR…
Your 13 year old sister came into your room holding what she thought was facial cleanser, (it was actually Lora DiCarlo’s toy cleaner) asking how to use it? What does one say? This product full on played the part of being discrete and not looking sexual what so ever.
I’m sure we have all been there before, (please say you have, I'm still embarrassed to this day)
Looking back I wish I played these times off way cooler than I did. It’s such a normal thing yet we still feel scared to say proudly, “YEAH, HERE'S MY PINK VIBE, WHAT ABOUT IT?” Maybe to your brother it’s different, anyways…
I can promise you this crazy taboo topic of what we call sExUaL iNcOuRsE is not as taboo as we think. If you're reading this, hey! You're safe here, stay awhile, grab your coffee or favorite vibe and laugh at my sappy sex toy story fails. I’m here for a cute time, not a long time. Let’s get into what happens if you are nervous to talk about s…s..sex.
HOW DO I START THE CONVERSATION?
Don’t act like you have never spoken to your partner before! I’m sure they would be willing to hear your thoughts.
Start off with a positive thought, this alerts their brain with good vibes instead of ill intent. Tell them you love them and want to be open and honest with each other. Repeat, this is an open and free space to speak. Proceed with your thought, LEAVE SILENCE, just so you can process, and they can speak. Word vomit leads to anxiety. Hopefully by this point the conversation is now on the table and you can begin to unpack it. Speak!Your! Mind! Girl!
WHERE IS A GOOD PLACE?
Ever think about talking about sex in the car? It’s actually a great starting point. Say you and your partner are heading to the mall, this is the perfect time to bring up how you didn’t cum last night! (If you are having this conversation I will gladly make a whole post just on that) BUT, the car could be a great starting place because you are both stationed for a bit, you can't run from the conversation!
But Iris I don’t drive! Okay! Take a walk. Hold hands. Open up about your dark fantasy that you are dying to try with them. This creates an environment that isn’t forceful or awkward. Whatever you do… I wouldn’t bring it up while you're both naked. Unless you're slick, but last time I attempted I ended up chasing waterfalls down my face, not cute.
CHECK POINT!… ASK YOURSELF THESE!
Whether it is talking about having sex for the first time, or for the 100th time, these conversations are still equally as important to each other.
We know that sex is not the easiest thing to talk about, but if you ask yourself these questions, hopefully it will open your brain just a tiny bit when having thee talk.
Is this the right time? If you are at a family party, maybe rethink this.
Am I about to come off too strong? (Ex. You immediately get into how the sex has been terrible.)
Am I beating around the bush? Do I have all my points thought out?
What are my expectations? What am I expecting out of this?
Am I ready to be vulnerable with my partner?
Lastly, be ready to listen. This may be just as uncomfortable for your partner than it is for you! The best part about this take away is that each time you bring up this topic, it becomes more and more easier to talk about. It’ll be like asking what’s for dinner. Simple. This also brings people together more than we notice, taking your partners thoughts and words into consideration is always key in a relationship.
Sooooo, get out there! Have that sex talk! Remind yourself of the questions, take some deep breaths, and fight for that O <3
